I’m the kind of person who gets lost going to work in the morning, even though I am (allegedly) here every day. It’s easy for me to forgive mistakes because my parents told me I’m definitely one myself. It’s that kind of supportive, nurturing environment that made me the living meme I am today.
But these people… For real, you better grab a neck brace, because your vertebrae are about to be shooketh.
1. So let me get this straight. You got your toenails done like that, then went off into the forest to take the pic?
Honestly, it would make so much more sense if she was standing in a potted plant.
2. Looks like your fatal mistake was getting into tech support.
Also, I’m going to go ahead and call this picture fake, since no Apple user has ever had 100% battery in the history of smartphones.
3. You just had to get the individual bottles, didn’t you?
If you’d grabbed the big flats of bottles, you could’ve gotten into the express lane.
You are in a hurry, right?
4. It’s always nice when you can tell someone knows that they’ve made a bad call.
You’d think they’d realize it before the last can of SpaghettiOs was in the tub, but…
5. I guess beds should look like beds, but… this is just a mattress.
Trust me, all mattresses look like ice cream sandwiches — I’ve eaten enough bedroom sets to know that.
Great, now I’m hungry.
6. I really don’t know where to start with this one.
What’s he going to do, get 10 pairs of that outfit so he always matches? You wear literally anything else and the car is immediately lame.
7. Yeah, this sounds appetizing as hell.
Tell you what: You eat the giant tube of frosting that you’ve been handling with your sweaty fingers for an hour, and I’ll munch on a couple of those broken cookie bits. Or just leave.
8. If this were a video game, you know you would save right before you went in there.
But since it’s not a video game, I’ll look at cats on my phone and not get stabbed.
9. These cutoff shorts are seriously offensive. I can barely see any of the dinosaurs.
You call them designer dinosaur denim, I call them shoddy stegosaurus shorts.
That’s — that’s chaos theory.
10. Oh Grandma, things were so much different back in your day.
It always blows my mind that old people don’t realize that if they were young now, they’d be just as nuts as their grandchildren.
11. Tips for starting a successful business.
Step 1: Plaster ads all over your vehicle.
Step 2: Park it somewhere terrible, so that everyone knows exactly who the idiot is. (Bonus points if your business is actually in parking lots!)
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit!