I’ve been alone for what feels like forever, and I ain’t even mad. Watching my couple friends go through things can be like a soap opera you never asked to be on. Enjoy the solo time while you have it, friends.
1. We don’t need to share
Want to order a whole pizza for yourself? There is no one stopping you. Best of all? No arguments about where you will get food! My favorite thing to do is order dinner for two.
2. A pillow does it better
We can be our own little spoons. A pillow never hogs blankets, or snores either. It doesn’t get any better than that, unless there are pets. Neither pillows or pets snore either. It’s a win-win.
3. My favorite part
I want to hold onto this joy for as long as I can. I just don’t know how people share a bed. I’m definitely going to fail at that. My partner might need some protective gear to get a good night’s sleep.
4. I’ll take it
Who needs a diamond ring when you have donuts? Remember when we thought Ring Pops were cool? Well, donuts don’t talk back and are a better source of happiness. I’ll take two dozen jelly-filled right away, please.
5. Why bring another person into it?
At least you never really lose arguments with yourself. Your pets might look at you funny, but that’s normal. At least I think so.
6. It won’t be sad after I eat them
You know what’s better than a gummy bear relationship? My tight bond with food. Those two would look much better in my stomach.
7. No one will judge your choice in décor
The last thing I need is anyone trying to tell me what my home should look like. Don’t disturb my inner peace.
8. We can get by
There are other ways to get that love and affection. My favorite way is from my cats, and eating a tub of ice cream. This works too.
9. If this is considered to be a display of affection, I’d rather die alone, surrounded by my collection of limited edition Beanie Babies.
Why do feet have to ruin everything? Put away your toes, people!
10. Living alone means that you get to eat what you want, when you want, and where you want without anyone judging you.
Unless you put your bathtub snacks on social media. Then everyone can judge.